Professor Buttocks
On Tuesday morning, Professor Buttocks entered the classroom carrying a cracked mug, a heavily mended bag, and wearing a shoe whose sole was improvised from a piece of motorcycle tire. The moment the students caught sight of his appearance, the lecture hall turned into an arena of laughter.
Kiboko was the first to raise his hand before the professor could utter a single word.
Kiboko: "Professor, today you're dressed like someone who fought a duel with a tight budget and lost."
Professor Buttocks: "I didn't lose. I graduated from the university of life. This shoe is my thesis."
Neema: "A thesis on a shoe?"
Professor Buttocks: "Yes. Research topic: How to walk through a tough economy without relying on a monthly salary."
The classroom burst into laughter so intense that one student began coughing like a motorcycle engine overdue for servicing. The professor set his mug on the desk, picked up a piece of chalk, and wrote on the chalkboard in large capital letters:
The laughter intensified. Yet, as usual, Professor Buttocks didn't run from the amusement. He waited for it to subside like a teacher who knows his real test isn't written on paper, but stored within the students' minds.
A Poor Person Is an Emergency Innovator
The professor declared, "Today I will not teach you how to become rich. Today I will teach you why poor people are far more creative at an advanced level than you realize."
A quiet hush fell over the room.
"A poor person can use a bar of soap until it becomes as thin as a voting ballot. They can add water to a shampoo bottle until the container feels resurrected. They can eat yesterday's leftover meal and call it 'well-aged flavor.' They can wear a shirt missing a button and claim it's European high fashion."
The students chuckled.
"A poor person can stretch a phone battery at one percent for two full hours because they've learned to speak in sentences shorter than a security guard at the gate. They can plan a budget of ten thousand shillings that performs the work of a hundred thousand—not because the money grew, but because hardship taught them painful mathematics."
Talent or Forced Circumstance?
Neema raised her hand. This time she wasn't laughing; she was trying to truly grasp the professor's point.
Neema: "Professor, do you mean poverty has benefits?"
Professor Buttocks: "No. Poverty is not a benefit. It is a hostile environment that forces innovation. Do not confuse someone enduring suffering with someone blessed by suffering."
John Google: "But others say poverty is God's will."
Professor Buttocks: "Do not blame God for every terrible budget. Sometimes it isn't God's will; it's bad planning by people sitting in big air-conditioned offices."
The class laughed nervously. It was the kind of laughter where people glance at the door, as if terrified the truth might walk in holding a cane.
The professor continued, "There is a vast difference between someone being poor because life hit them hard, and a system keeping someone poor because opportunities are locked away. A person can be hardworking, but hard work without opportunity is like running on a treadmill. You get completely exhausted, but you remain in the exact same spot."
The Problem Isn't Enduring; The Problem Is Normalizing
Professor Buttocks raised his cracked mug.
"Do you see this mug?"
The students responded, "Yes."
"It is cracked. Yet it still holds tea. This is the talent of the poor: continuing to function even when broken in multiple places."
The classroom fell deathly quiet.
"But the question is this: should we celebrate a mug for being cracked simply because it still holds tea, or should we ask why a person lacks the means to buy a new one?"
This time, no one laughed.
The professor wrote on the board:
"Many societies praise poor people for enduring, yet fail to build systems to lift them out of that condition. We offer them comforting words instead of real opportunities. We tell them 'endure' instead of asking 'what is holding you back?' We tell them 'God will help' while holding the keys to the doors of opportunity ourselves."
Systems That Teach People to Normalize Hardship
Professor Buttocks began pacing across the front of the hall. Every step sounded as if it were arguing with the floorboards.
"There is an education system that equips a youth with a degree certificate, but no ability to generate an income. There is an economic system that forces a person to work all day yet remain unable to afford a decent living. There is a political system that approaches the poor during campaign season, only to vanish once the votes are counted."
Kiboko raised his hand.
Kiboko: "Professor, what should a poor person do then?"
Professor Buttocks: "First, stop believing suffering is a permanent badge of honor. Second, learn practical skills. Third, refuse to be lied to that your poverty is solely due to laziness when doors have been intentionally locked above you."
Kiboko: "And if they don't have the key?"
Professor Buttocks: "Start forging one. That is why practical education is far more crucial than long speeches by well-fed leaders."
Deeper Insight: Poverty must not be romanticized as a normal state or "God's will" without examining the underlying systems that create and perpetuate it. Endurance is a strength, but a just society must build opportunities, practical training, employment, capital, and a fair environment that grants everyone the chance to rise.
An Example of a Poor Person's Budget
The professor retrieved a folded piece of paper from his pocket. It was creased so heavily it looked as though it had survived World War III.
He read it aloud:
"Salary: 300,000. Rent: 100,000. Food: 200,000. Bus fare: 80,000. Medicine: 50,000. Wedding contribution: 30,000. Balance: God help us."
The class roared with laughter.
The professor noted, "This is the arithmetic never taught in classroom economics. In textbooks, when income exceeds expenses, you have savings. In real life, when expenses exceed income, you rely on faith, friends, and harmless little lies."
When Poverty Is Turned Into Morality
Professor Buttocks remarked, "Another grave mistake is turning poverty into a measure of morality. We praise a person for having nothing, as if lacking resources is a form of holiness. We despise those with grand ambitions, as if desiring a better life is a sin."
"When a poor person asks for a better life, they're told to be content with little. When a rich person demands more, they're praised for having vision. This is the narrative that constructs walls between human beings."
Neema wrote furiously in her notebook. This time, she wasn't writing for an exam; she was writing for life.
The professor continued, "A person can be good without being poor. A person can be humble without lacking basic needs. A person can love God without despising progress."
A Message to the Students
Professor Buttocks sat back down in his chair. He surveyed the entire room and spoke in a tone much quieter than usual:
"When you become leaders, do not use speeches to comfort people instead of creating real opportunities. When you become scholars, do not use your degrees to isolate yourselves from the very people you ought to help. When you become entrepreneurs, do not exploit the poverty of others as a ruthless bridge for profit. When you are citizens, refuse to accept that every hardship is normal."
"There are hardships brought by life's nature. But there are other hardships directly engineered by broken systems. An intelligent person must know the difference."
End of Lecture Room: Tuesday
When the bell rang, no one rushed out. Even Kiboko, who was usually the first to pack his notebook before the period ended, sat in quiet thought.
Professor Buttocks picked up his cracked mug and placed it in his pocket. Before stepping out, he turned back and said:
The class laughed, but this time the laughter carried weight. It was the laughter of people realizing that humor can be a blade, cutting away mental slumber.
Neema wrote one final sentence at the bottom of her page:
"Poverty can teach creativity, but an intelligent society shouldn't make it a compulsory school."
Deeper Message
Tuesday's Lecture Room critiques society's habit of normalizing poverty and praising it as fate, bad luck, personal laziness, or God's will without interrogating the structural systems that produce it. Professor Buttocks uses humor to demonstrate that enduring hardship is a strength, but not a final solution. The true solution lies in practical education, opportunity, a fair system, exemplary leadership, and empowering individuals to build lives worthy of human dignity.