Great Fool
Human mental health and behavioral patterns are much like river waters; if blocked on one side, they inevitably seek a channel to burst through on another. In his childhood, Kibwana was never given the opportunity to take responsibility for his mistakes. Whenever he broke an expensive household item, his mother, Bi. Mwanahawa, would say in a coddling voice: "My Kibwana is small, he couldn't do any wrong, it was those neighbor children who provoked him!" Consequently, Kibwana grew up believing that the entire universe owed it to him to hand over whatever he desired without him shedding a single drop of sweat.
It was early in his second year of work when an overwhelming urge to go on a luxurious vacation to the islands of Zanzibar seized him. There was only one problem: his entire salary went toward paying the firm belonging to the Chinese engineer, Li Wei, who was performing all his office duties. Kibwana needed a quick five million shillings. Any ordinary person would have gone to a bank for a loan or saved up, but Kibwana’s mental circuitry had bypassed reality on a truly unique level.
On a Tuesday afternoon, Kibwana bought an unregistered SIM card. He locked himself in a room at a high-end downtown hotel, ordered a large platter of fried chicken and French fries, and took photos of himself with his hands tied with ropes and a cloth stuffed into his mouth. Later, he sent a text message to his parents' phone:
The 'Kidnapping' Text Message:
"We have kidnapped your son Kibwana! If you want to see him alive, send Five Million Shillings to this number before four o'clock this afternoon. If you inform the Police, we will cut off his ears!"
When Bi. Mwanahawa received the message, she let out a shriek that gathered the entire neighborhood. Mzee Athumani, without wasting a moment, rushed to the Central Police Station. Detectives from the Anti-Kidnapping and Cybercrime Unit immediately began tracking the cell signal using transmission towers. Armed with automatic rifles and three modern tactical vehicles, the Police surrounded the hotel with incredible speed.
When they breached the door to Room 304 with a heavy crash, they were prepared to engage dangerous, balaclava-clad criminals. Instead, they discovered Kibwana sitting on the bed in a bath towel, holding a fried chicken drumstick in one hand and a TV remote in the other, casually watching comedy shows!
The Lead Operative, Commander Kitalu, pointed his rifle at him, shouting: "Where are the kidnappers? Where are the men who tied you up?"
Kibwana chewed his chicken leg slowly, wiped the grease off his mouth, smiled with childlike innocence, and said: "Commander, the kidnappers went out to buy me avocado juice down the street. But they said once I finish eating this chicken, I should write my family a reminder text to send those Five Million quickly!"
When the Police realized that the photo showing bound hands was taken by Kibwana himself using his foot to prop up the phone, Commander Kitalu clutched his head with both hands. When Mzee Athumani arrived and found his fully grown 32-year-old son eating free chicken under the guise of an abduction, he didn't cry for joy; he sat down on the hotel corridor floor and began slapping his own face in disbelief.
After that kidnapping ordeal was resolved by Bi. Mwanahawa paying a massive fine to the Police to keep her son out of prison, Kibwana returned to society and decided to enter the world of romantic relationships. It was here that he broke the world record for 'Great Fool'.
Kibwana met a stunningly beautiful young woman named Natalie at a city restaurant. They hit it off and began dating. Three days later, at the exact same restaurant during the evening hours, Kibwana saw another young woman who looked identical to Natalie—named Nadege. Because Kibwana's mind lacked the capacity for deep analytical reasoning (a direct result of never being taught how to evaluate situations in childhood), he firmly believed Natalie had simply changed her outfit and hairstyle! He began courting Nadege from scratch and succeeded.
A week later, he crossed paths with a third young woman, Natasha, who also shared the exact same features without a single flaw. Kibwana wasn't startled, nor did he ask questions. He genuinely believed that this single woman possessed the remarkable ability to exist in three different places simultaneously!
The truth was that Natalie, Nadege, and Natasha were identical triplet sisters born together. The day they sat at their dining table at home and began sharing stories about the men they were dating, they uncovered a shocking truth: all three of them were engaged to the exact same hulking man with the speech patterns of a child—Kibwana!
Instead of flying into a rage and dumping him, the triplets convened an emergency meeting. They were intrigued by how uncomplicated Kibwana was and how he generously funded their lifestyles without ever asking questions. They summoned him to a sit-down meeting and laid out the facts:
"Kibwana, we discovered that you have been courting all three of us without realizing we are different people. Custom dictates that you choose one of us and break up with the other two!" the triplets declared in unison.
Any other man would have panicked and begged for forgiveness. But Kibwana looked at the faces of the three young women who resembled one another like drops of water, grunted softly, and delivered a response that was photographed and published by tabloid newspapers nationwide the very next day:
"Why should I choose just one when you all look identical? Choosing one denies me the opportunity to be with the others. I have a pure heart; I will marry all three of you on the same day in the exact same venue!"
And indeed! A month later, the city hall was decorated in gold trim. Kibwana stood in the center dressed in a royal suit, flanked by three brides wearing identical gowns. Bi. Mwanahawa, seated in the front row, cheered enthusiastically, shouting: "Look at my son Kibwana! Other men manage to marry only one woman, but my son has outdone them all by marrying three at once!"
Nobody realized that Kibwana was marrying them not out of bravery or wealth, but out of a total inability to set boundaries or make tough decisions—a flaw planted deep within him by his mother since he was a small child!
The antics of the Great Fool were only just beginning to shake society to its core...